I've been a bit of the radar when it comes to blogging as of late (other than posting things that others have written). There has been a lot going on personally and professionally in the last few months and it's been difficult to dedicate time to organizing thoughts, let alone publishing them (I've had a bit of an "unintentional blog fast" - read Andrew Jones' blog fast reflections here.). But I think I've got some things ready to flow out (my moleskin says I do)...many of them seem to be centering on personal history, woundedness, and the idea of becoming the new humanity inhabiting the kingdom of God. My hope is that my next few posts (though most likely drastically different in topic) will all grab at pieces of these themes. Here goes the first...
Someone recently used the phrase, "breaking the social script" and it for me it has become this idea that I've been filtering all of life through. The context of the phrase had to do with the idea of following the call to compassion and justice in the economy of God. Most of our screwed-up, economically-driven, status-based, Western, American society operates in a system that has nothing to do with compassion, justice, or the Kingdom of God. It is a me-first, my rights, and Kingdom of Self system.
So what does it mean to break the social script? Here's a bit of my story...
My father grew up in a blue collar family. From what I can tell...with five children, living in Camden, NJ, my grandparents were hard workers, but existed in a post-WWII urban setting that was close to impoverished and became even more so as the years went by.
In order to survive, my dad worked hard (driving a truck is the story I remember) and put himself through junior college and then college at Rutgers University (Camden). He got married, joined an accounting firm, had me, had my brother and then my sister. After seeing that it was going to be difficult to make partner at the firm, he went out on his own and has been building a successful accounting practice for probably close to 25 years. His clients love and respect him. He gives more of himself to his work than most people give to anything. He is one of the hardest and most honest workers I know. His dedication to his work and his family is unmatched.
If I were to dissect the situation - it seems that it went like this (dad, if you're reading, feel free to comment)...my grandparents worked hard in order to get by, my father worked even harder in order to make sure that his children didn't have to work as hard as his parents or himself. As a result, he gained and in turn assigned to us (his children) a certain social script: upwardly mobile, white-collar, upper-middle class, white, protestant suburbanites. The dream (again as far as I can tell) was for us to get good educations, go to good schools, and become good doctors or lawyers. We would live in comfortable suburban homes, drive relatively nice cars, and raise our children to inherit the social script that had been produced.
Enter me. I benefited from the life that was provided to me. I have a good education. I have the "tools" necessary to "make it" in our society. Yet there has always been a part of me that longs for something more than the script that I inherited. I recognize that the script assigned to me was hard fought - the blood, sweat, and tears of at least two generations contributed to who I am and "who I am supposed to be". And yet that's not what I long for - it's not ever what my heart has truly longed for.
And so I began to break the social script...to ignore the lines on the page and improvise...to take the play in a whole new direction...to invent new characters with new problems and passions...to go in a way totally opposite from what the script directs - not out of rebellion, not out of boredom, but out of a desire to listen to the Muse and go with that.
Does it appear that in the process I "stick it to the man" as it were? Probably. There are probably times when my father feels that all of his hard work (the American pull yourself up by your bootstraps ethic) has been wasted. I don't live the life that he dreamed for me. He stills dreams dreams for my life that are different than mine. The social script that was assigned to me has been largely ignored.
And all of that is okay.
My father didn't follow the social script that was laid out for him. He didn't stay poor in Camden, NJ. He didn't stay a blue-collar truck driver for all of life. He made difficult decisions and sacrificed a lot to achieve the goals that he was called to. He is a hard worker. He is a man of integrity. He is great husband, father, and "Pops". He follows Jesus the best he knows how in the way he knows best.
I'm proud of my father for who he is and where he comes from. I think I'm a lot like him. I hope that he sees in me what I see in him.
I don't follow the script that he laid out for me. I don't want to be middle class in suburban, NJ. I don't desire to be a doctor or a lawyer. I make difficult decisions and sacrifice a lot to enter into what I'm called to. I think I'm a hard worker. I think I'm a man of integrity. I try my best to be a great husband and father. I'm following Jesus the best I know how in a way that I'm still figuring out.
That's all okay. So thanks dad for blazing the way - for teaching me how to break the social script. I know that some of the directions that I've gone probably aren't what you would have chosen for me...but we're both trying to follow Jesus - you taught me that too.
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